No Map Needed

 I reached out to my neuro yesterday. I have been miserable since getting sick 2 weeks ago. I hurt all over. I have random numb spots. And the incontinence has returned. Some days are amazing. Some days you put on your paper panties and find the amazing parts on your own. Today I start steroids. They will be the equivalent to the amount I had via IV a few months ago, but in pill form. I will be taking 72 pills in the next 3 days. Wowza. The pharmacy thought the doc made a mistake. I will just be over here binge eating and not sleeping for a while. But no worries- I will feel better again sooner rather than later and that is amazing. I am so thankful for modern medicine. I am so thankful that my struggles are less than those of the MS warriors of the past. I am so thankful that I have the husband I do. He loves me through it. He empathizes. He holds me up. He reminds me how blessed I am. He keeps me smiling. And life is good❤️

 Let’s start with the good. Since starting Aubagio, my migraines are like 100% better. That is amazing. I am not really angry anymore. I was so mad. I kept asking God why he allowed this, I mean, didn’t I have enough battles to fight with my body. Now, I am back to my motto of play the cards you are dealt and just keep drawing from the deck. The joy is not in the hypothetical win, it is in the playing of the game. So, everyday I get up and try to do the best I can with what I have. Somedays I KILL it (at least to me I do). Some days it kills me. I laugh about the struggles when I can.  Two week ago we had a wonderful vacation of relaxation at the beach. It was so much needed. It was good for the body and soul. We made some amazing new friends who we will keep forever. We got to spend a week with my self adopted brother and sister in law and their amazing kiddos. It was a perfect week.  On the way home, I started getting sick. The kids had had a cold, then Terry, and now i...

 Multiple sclerosis is different for everyone. For me it’s blurry vision in my right eye all the time and occasionally in both. It’s the top of my foot being numb. It is not always being able to control things that my body is supposed to do. It is difficulty swallowing at times. It’s nerve pain in my arms. And it is fatigue there is so much fatigue. I was so angry when I got the diagnosis. I mean I already had two other neurological conditions. I had a flare and had to have steroids lots of steroids. It was the fear that I might actually have neuromyelitis optica and not multiple sclerosis. Then, it was immense relief when it was “just MS”  it is learning to stop and rest because my body cannot recuperate like it should. It is fear. It is sadness. It is all of the unknown. But there is also hope. It has also been an outpouring of love and outpouring of support a reminder of who my friends are of who my God is. It is an avenue that will help me show better support to my patient...

 Your test came back positive for MS. We need to discuss treatment options. It wasn’t that cold actually. You see, my provider is also someone I Call friend. We both cried as she said the words I knew she would say. I had the results in my patient portal, but once she said them, THEY BECAME REAL. I have the disease process that I have seen the worst parts of for the last 16 years. It is ugly yall. But it doesn’t have to be. It is all in what you make it. In how you fight back to reclaim your life. Today, I am not much of a fighter. The fatigue I now understand is so much stronger than me. TODAY. Tomorrow is a fresh new day. Maybe tomorrow is the day I will be stronger. I am allowing myself until monday to mourn. Monday though. I am putting the boxing gloves on. Even if I only have enough strength to throw one punch. That is 1 more than I threw today. We can only hope to do a little more each day than we did the day before. I have the support system to speak positivity when I am stu...

 Claudia I am not sure why we cannot Correct your vision. try these new glasses for a week, and if you still cannot see come back for a field of vision test. You passes the field of vision test, let me dilate your eyes. Use these drops for 2 weeks and come back. I cannot correct your vision. Does this color look different in your left eye than the right? Claudia, we need to send you to your neurologist and a neuroophthalmologist. Claudia you may have MS. YOU MAY HAVE MS.  Mommy, the eye doctor thinks my vision loss could be MS. Mom: NO. ABSOLUTELY NOT. YOU DO NOT HAVE MS. WE WILL CLAIM THAT NOW! Husband- DAMN. Neurologist- it could all be migraine related. We will scan your head. Claudia you have a NEW LESION. There are several possibilities for the reason. Let’s scan your c-spine. Your c-spine looks good, but it is wishful thinking to believe that new lesion is migrainous. We have always believed your other lesions were migraine related. We need a spinal tap for the final puz...