My Struggles, My Strength

 Claudia I am not sure why we cannot Correct your vision. try these new glasses for a week, and if you still cannot see come back for a field of vision test. You passes the field of vision test, let me dilate your eyes. Use these drops for 2 weeks and come back. I cannot correct your vision. Does this color look different in your left eye than the right? Claudia, we need to send you to your neurologist and a neuroophthalmologist. Claudia you may have MS. YOU MAY HAVE MS. Mommy, the eye doctor thinks my vision loss could be MS. Mom: NO. ABSOLUTELY NOT. YOU DO NOT HAVE MS. WE WILL CLAIM THAT NOW! Husband- DAMN. Neurologist- it could all be migraine related. We will scan your head. Claudia you have a NEW LESION. There are several possibilities for the reason. Let’s scan your c-spine. Your c-spine looks good, but it is wishful thinking to believe that new lesion is migrainous. We have always believed your other lesions were migraine related. We need a spinal tap for the final puzzle piece. 

So many things happening to my body make sense now. There is so much fear. Uncertainty. Search for my faith that seems slightly broken. 

There is also love. Prayers. Support. Reminders of the wonderful strong loving friendship I am blessed with. AMAZING FAMILY. Friends who are filling the gap where my faith is fractured. Friends who let me cry. Friends who help me laugh. Friends who just are- they do not try to tell me it is ok when it is NOT in my heart yet. Friends who let me feel what I need to feel. Friends who help me make jokes. So much love. 

My husband is a rock. He holds me when I need to cry. He laughs with me. He lets me be angry. He sits with me when I need that. He assures me there is nothing I MEAN NOTHING that we cannot overcome together. He has to pick up my slack often. He does it with love. He does not See it as going above and beyond, but in so many ways, HE is MY HERO. 

It will all be ok. My life has changed forever. I am strong. I am tough. I can handle this, whatever this is. No step for a stepper as my momma taught me. I am still scared. When the lumbar puncture results come, I will probably cycle Through the emotions again. I have joined a support group for moms with MS. They have already given me hope. This is not the end of life as I know it. It is the beginning of a new life, and I WILL champion it. 

~Claudia

Comments

  1. drakeskkAugust 17, 2020 at 4:51 PM

    Oh, how I love you! You will survive, thrive and bless others! Proud that you are mine!

    ReplyDelete

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